bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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