i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
