Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
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