you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
