Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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