I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
