For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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