So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
