You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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