if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
