y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
