Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
