Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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