I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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