So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
