Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The Olympian is in my bed
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
