He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
