my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
