I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i love accidental penises.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If I die, sorry about rent.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
