The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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