I think my vagina is haunted
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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