i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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