We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
