you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
