i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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