my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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