The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
