dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
