Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
