i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
please come you make the beer taste better
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
