just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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