there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
