That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
