Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
