My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Randomize
