i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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