Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
