i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she smelled like a LAN party
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I have aggressive nipples.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
