A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
two words: eviction party
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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