if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
