Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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