i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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