i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
