What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
