this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
