My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
