Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
