I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
