his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
