i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
