New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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