So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
