we're chasing vodka with high fives
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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