you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
