I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
