I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
