Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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