Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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